I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
