Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
