Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
