U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
