didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i barfeds in our rink
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
