how can u be prego again
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
