there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize