everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
