So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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