Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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