Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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