So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
