glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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