How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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