apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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