i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
