If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
