he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
