i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
