I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize