Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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