Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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