Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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