I will die if light touches me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
