she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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