when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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