Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
