The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize