Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
