Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize