he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
