everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
