I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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