Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
