I want to have your abortion
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
