I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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