The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
