It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
