11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just invented taco cereal.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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