At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
