HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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