He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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