ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
