Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
