I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
