I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
