she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
