halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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