You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
