If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
