at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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