Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
