That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
