I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize