hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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