I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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