NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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