no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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