yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize