i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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