At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
