went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
