Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
