Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
