I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
