btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
