Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
