We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
