I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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