remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
