the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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