Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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