stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
