my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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