How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
