I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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