I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
