carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
