Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
