Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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