Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
