alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
