ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
