You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
