why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
