first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
