"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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