We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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