We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
