i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
