i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
