I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize