So drunk its hurt
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
