I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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