hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
