She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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