ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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