Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
