You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
