she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
