I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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